


Life, uh, Finds A Way

by Spoon888



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mech Preg (Transformers), Secret Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy, pregnancy reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27726811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: Starscream and Optimus have been seeing each other in secret, and now Starscream is sparked.It's time to break the news to their respective factions.
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Starscream
Comments: 77
Kudos: 290





	Life, uh, Finds A Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Roboapollo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roboapollo/gifts).



Optimus's reaction was about as good as Starscream could have expected. He stood frozen with his hands extended towards Starscream, amorous intentions evaporating into thin air. 

"Oh." He said, dropping his arms to his sides. There was no follow up. Optimus's optics darted between Starscream's face and his chest-plate. 

"Oh?" Starscream repeated, hand lifting to his chest. It felt tight, but the new-spark was too small to take up noticeable space. "That's all you have to say?" 

"Congratulations," Optimus amended, clearing his vocaliser and looking off to the side awkwardly. "That is, I assume that this is ...good news?" 

Starscream squinted at him. "Why don't you tell me?" 

"What does my opinion have to do with anything?" Optimus frowned, and it hit Starscream then, how infuriatingly oblivious this great and wise Prime was. 

Months they have been partaking in these secret little rendezvous, and Starscream's current condition was an expectantly natural conclusion to such reckless interactions. Knowing that, when the symptoms had begun Starscream tested his spark readouts immediately. 

No one could have so much of a good thing before fate rolled in to ruin it all, and the universe regularly conspired against Starscream in such matters. Murphy's law, the humans called it. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And becoming sparked with Optimus Prime's offspring could definitely be categorised as something not going to plan. 

Optimus wasn't quite such an unlucky spark. He wasn't prone to expecting the worst because the worst always seemed to pass him by. 

Well, not today. 

"We've been seeing each other a while now," Starscream began carefully, gently rubbing the chest-plate over his spark chamber. The life within vibrated and buzzed with bright new energy. The 'new-spark tickle' -but it was just making him feel itchy. "But as you can imagine, a new spark will be something of a third wheel." 

Optimus hummed in understand, "I expect the sire will want to bond with the pair of you as well." He bowed his helm graciously. "I wouldn't want to interfere with that process." 

Starscream stroked his chin thoughtfully, "That's only if the sire in question is interesting in being involved." 

Optimus straightened in visible confusion. "You haven't told them yet?" 

"I was going to today," Starscream shrugged. "But he's being unfortunately obtuse and isn't picking up on any of the obvious _hints_ I'm giving him." 

Optimus stared. Starscream glared up at him. 

"...It's not mine, is it?" Optimus eventually managed. 

"No, Optimus, it must belong to one of the _other_ tens of thousands of mechs I frag on a daily basis," Starscream snarled. "Of _course_ it's yours! We see each other nearly every cycle! How much free time do you think I have?! How much _stamina_ -?!"

Optimus threw up his hands in half shock, half calming gesture, his optics perfect circles of surprise, "Starscream- _Starscream_ calm down, the sparkling-"

"The sparkling is going to have to get used to hearing me shout!" Starscream stomped a pede, "because shouting seems to be the only way to get this through your thick helm, Prime! I call you in the middle of the night telling you I have urgent news and when you learn I'm carrying you assume it's _someone else's_?! How much of a slut do you think I am?!"

"You're making unfair assumptions," Optimus pointed hotly. "I do not and never have thought of you that way-" 

"You thought I was sleeping with someone else!" Starscream raged. 

"I-" Optimus exhaled heavily, "I didn't want to be arrogant enough to assume I was the only recipient of your affections. But Starscream please, this is supposed to be a happy occasion-"

"So this is good news for you?" Starscream allowed himself to relax a little. "Well that makes one of us at least-"

Optimus's brow marred with concern. "It's not for you?" 

Starscream shrugged, "I ...am not averse to becoming a creator. If anyone has a right to reproduce, it's me." He thought of all the ugly stupid creatures in the universe who spread about their inferior genetic coding far too generously and rolled his optics. 

"It's the reactions of everyone else that concerns me." 

"What do you mean?" Optimus moved forward and laid a hand on his shoulder, a comforting weight that grounded Starscream. He lowered his voice conspiratorially. "We've kept our secret for this long. No one needs to know about our new one." 

"Yet," Starscream fixed him with a hard glare. "It's not going to be as easy to hide an entire living person as it was a inappropriate relationship. Soundwave will be able to detect it before long and he's going to want to know where it came from, since unlike _you_ , he knows I'm not spreading my affections about the Decepticons so liberally." 

Optimus thought on it for a moment, "You could always-"

"No!" Starscream snapped before he could say it. "I'm not defecting to your sad little faction." 

"We would welcome you with open arms." 

"They would welcome the little spawn growing inside me with open arms. I can't see myself being ushered in so enthusiastically..." Starscream brought his hands to his face and rubbed his optics. "There's no way around it. We'll have to get out ahead of the story. Tell them ourselves."

"What?" Optimus murmured blankly. 

"You're a Person Of Note, you know how this works." Starscream tutted. "It's better to get out ahead of an inevitable reveal, control the details you want them to know. Haven't you ever been the centre of a scandal?" 

Optimus looked at him suspiciously. "I can't say I have." 

"Of course not," Starscream smiled and patted his cheek fondly. "Well unfortunately, thanks to your association with me, you're going to be the centre of many to come." 

Optimus made a regretful noise. "Well then, 'Spin Doctor Extraordinaire'. What is our story going to be?" 

Starscream stroked his chin thoughtfully, a smile pulling at his lips, "Two different 'stories' might be preferable. We should cater to our audiences." 

"Audiences?" 

"You can go back to your fancy, un-sunken Ark and tell all your simpering little Autobots that the poor Decepticon seeker whose spark you were trying to 'save' split itself into a precious mini-prime in the process and I'm sure after a few scandalised exclamations that will go down great and they will warm to the idea," Starscream explained. "But it's not a story Megatron's going to buy into. To him it'll sound a lot like his Second In Command has been whoring himself out to his greatest rival, and to add insult to injury, is now strutting around with the future leader of a free Cybertron in his chest."

Optimus looked suddenly concerned, shaking his head, "There is no way you can spin this favourably to Megatron. I can't let you put yourself in danger. Or the new spark." 

Starscream rolled his optics. "You've been fighting Megatron for centuries and you still don't actually know him," he sighed. "There is _always_ a way to spin things. You just worry about our own reveal. Let me handle mine." 

* * *

Optimus was only thankful he wasn't in Starscream's position, having to explain the presence and conception of his little passenger to an unreasonable cabal of Decepticons all while dealing with the stresses of carrying it. Seeing as he wasn't the one hauling around the consequence of his and Starscream's illicit affair he could, hypothetically, keep his secret and his reputation in tact for months to go yet. But it felt unfair that Starscream should have to come clean to his superior if Optimus was choosing to shy away from confessing his own sins to his subordinates. 

Rather than call a meeting and announce the news, Optimus thought it was best to tackle the situation in a series of private one-to-one meetings. Not because he was too cowardly to face a judgmental audience, but because-

Well, yes perhaps it was because he was too cowardly. 

No, he was being _tactful_. That was how Starscream had put it. Though it felt manipulative to him, inventing several different versions of a story for different recipients in order to present it in the best light possible. 

Ratchet was likely to have the worst reaction -and therefore made the best candidate to be told first. Optimus absolutely did not want the information getting to the medic by other means, and this wasn't the sort of news easy to contain. 

So Optimus loitered outside his medbay, summoning not courage but composure. Ratchet might not possess the outlier processor-scanning abilities that made Soundwave a mindreader, but he was ruthlessly observant enough already without that advantage. He knew the look of a mech trying to hide something all too well. 

"Are you going to stand out there all cycle?" Ratchet's impatient voice called from inside. 

Optimus sighed and took a sideways step inside, realising he could delay this no longer. 

"Ratchet," he greeted formally, voice even and strong. Perfectly composed. 

Ratchet was stood over the bench polisher with his back to the door, lifting a cutting tool up to the light to check the sharpness of it's edges. "What have you done?" He asked, not even turning around to look at him. 

Optimus's confidence took a sudden plunge. _He knew. How did he know?!_ "What leads you to believe I've done something?" 

"The guilt in your voice," Ratchet muttered, turning on the buffer to polish up the edges of the knife. It glinted in the light menacingly. Optimus moved further into the room, but kept his distance. Ratchet had a habit of throwing things when he was angry enough, usually whatever came to hand. 

"So how bad is it?" Ratchet continued. "Must be a humdinger of a frag-up if you're telling me first." 

"It's not necessarily a bad thing." Optimus highlighted the good points, forcing himself to sound as optimistic as he could manage. "It's something that should be celebrated ...uh, under more ideal circumstances..."

Ratchet froze, shoulders stiffening. He very deliberately he set his knife down and gripped the edges of the bench to brace himself. "You've knocked someone up." 

Optimus's fuel tanked dropped in horror. "I- what -Ratchet that's -what a conclusion to jump to!" He protested. 

Ratchet twisted at the neck to glare at him over his shoulder. "Primus," he hissed, shaking his head, "it's a **_Decepticon_**!?"

Optimus's mouth was hanging open behind the mask. "How did you-?"

"It's not rocket science," Ratchet wiped his hands on a cloth and threw it down angrily. His cheeks were turning patchy and red. "As if it's not bad enough you sneak off every other night to screw around with Decepticons, you go and get one of them sparked in the process?!" 

"Who's sparked?" Ratchet's shout caught the attention of Jazz and Bluestreak who had been walking by. Two curious head's popped around the doorway. Jazz began smiling in chaotic delight at the furious expression on Ratchet's face. 

"No one." Optimus lied quickly. 

"Some hapless Decepticon," Ratchet rolled his optics. "Just what we need. _More_ of them-"

"Really?!" Bluestreak's optics nearly popped out his helm. 

"Which one?" Jazz's inquired. 

"Starscream," Optimus answered without thinking, rubbing the back of his neck. 

" _ **Starscream**_?!" Ratchet roared, snatching up the discarded knife again. "You've been fragging Starscream?! Of all the seekers you could have picked-?!" 

" _You're_ the sire?!" Jazz's exclaimed in awe, mouth dropping open. "Prime, man, I didn't think you had it in you- "

"Now- now wait just a moment," Optimus spoke over them, trying to reign the conversation back in. This wasn't nearly as easily as Starscream had made it sound. The facts were quickly getting away from him. "Yes, Starscream is sparked, and I ...I am the sire-"

Bluestreak turned into a literal streak as he darted out of the room with a noise of pure excitement, rapid, sprinting pedefalls taking him off up the hallway. In the direction of Prowl's office. Optimus's spark sank further. 

"So is Starscream defecting?" Jazz asked, taking all this information in with surprising level headedness. 

"No, he's not." 

"So not only have you knocked up the Decepticon Second In Command but your first and so far _only_ sparkling is going to be gestated and sparked in the presence of our enemies?!" Ratchet took a threatening step forwards, the knife still clutched in his hand. " _Your_ sparkling is going to be a _Decepticon_. Is that what you're telling me?!" 

Optimus wasn't going to duck behind Jazz but the temptation was there. "Ratchet be reasonable, they're not going to come out _wearing_ faction insignias!" 

They were suddenly interrupted by a rush off footsteps as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe came swinging around the doorway, stumbling into each other in their haste. "Who got a Decepticon pregnant?!" Sideswipe demanded breathlessly, smile stretching across his face. 

"Optimus," Jazz pointed. And the twins looked at their leader with such a look of awe it was like he'd just announced the holiday festivals early that year. 

"I ... Now _listen_ -" Optimus tried, finger pointed. 

"No _you_ listen!" Ratchet snapped, waving the knife at him. "There's only so much I can tolerate about this, but one thing I _won't_ do is leave the health of your sparkling up to those hacks running the Decepticons repair bay. I don't care which faction he belongs to, you tell that idiot seeker to get his aft up here so I can give him a checkup or so help me-!"

Stamping footsteps drowned out Ratchet's threat as a large metal Tyrannosaurus Rex head shoved itself into the doorway and loudly announced. "Me Grimlock love sparklings. Me now _Uncle_ Grimlock!" 

Optimus pinched the bridge of his nose to curb the throb of his processor as everyone started talking at once, demanding responsibilities and roles and access to a sparkling that hadn't even arrived yet. Perhaps he shouldn't have told Ratchet first, what with his habit of _shouting things_. 

Among the chaos he took a moment to think of Starscream. 

If this was how he was fairing, he couldn't even imagine the sort of interrogation the poor seeker was going through now. 

* * *

  
"I'm sparked," Starscream kicked his feet up into the table and interrupted the war council by announcing, completely overshadowing Megatron's latest plot to defeat the Autobots. 

Twelve blank stares answered his reveal. Megatron glared. 

"What does that have to do with the raid schedule?" He demanded. 

Starscream pursed his lips together, annoyed by the anticlimactic reaction, "Just thought I would warn you." He lifted his chin, confrontational, "Because I'm _not_ getting rid of it." 

"I'm already well aware of your inconsiderate condition," Megatron snarled. "Soundwave informed me last week." 

Starscream slammed his hands against the table, "Well thank you very much, Soundwave! You've ruined my pregnancy reveal!" 

Soundwave stared at him, unrepentant. 

"What did you want, Starscream, a cake?" Megatron braced an arm on the table and leaned towards him threateningly. "Balloons? A gender reveal party?!" 

"Agenda? Who has an agenda?" A confused Motormaster leaned towards Onslaught to mutter. 

"Um," Skywarp stuck his hand in the air, waving it urgently to get attention, "Lord Megatron I'd like to put myself forward for the position of Acting Air Commander while Starscream is indisposed." 

Starscream pointed his nullray at him, "Do I _look_ indisposed to you?!" 

"Denied," Megatron snapped. "Starscream was stupid enough to get himself sparked, he can figure out how to balance his regular duties with creatorhood himself." 

Scrapper smudged Starscream's side, hand covering his mouth to ask quietly, "Who's the sire?" 

"Who cares," Onslaught grunted, frowning over the information on his data-pads. "Can we get back to the meeting. I have notes." 

"It's Prime," Megatron announced, shifting through his own data-pads. "And now that Starscream is done derailing this meeting with his train-wreck of a personal life-"

"Who said I was done!" Starscream stood up angrily. "I fragged the leader of the enemy faction. Aren't you going to do anything about that?!"

Megatron smiled nastily, "I couldn't care less what you do in your spare time, Starscream. As for this unfortunate accident, I can only be thankful you'll have something else to occupy yourself with that doesn't involve bothering me with endless disappointments. Now _sit **down**."_

Starscream dropped into his seat huffily, folding his arms across his chest. Megatron gave him one last hard glare before picking up his data-pad and reassuming the meeting. 

What did a mech around here have to do to cause a scandal? Optimus didn't know how good he had it. He was probably being inundated with horrified Autobots this very second. 


End file.
